Chapter 4

what are all of these things....

also - it did *not* take 3 hours

The next stage of canoe-building was spread out over a rather long period of time. A brief description of our next task was basically to glue the bits together that up until now had been held together only with wire. Oh, but it was so much more than that.

First, we had to align the boat so that when we started gluing it, it wasn't in a wonky banana shape - because, according to the instruction manual, most people don't want a boat that goes only in circles. Aligning the boat consisted of using lengths of twine, and a pair of eyes at each end to judge it. As the canoe hasn't even been finished at the time of writing, I'm still not 100% convinced my eyesight is all that but seeing as the canoe's already glued in place, I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see whether it goes in a straight line when we start rowing with it in the springtime.

Next up was to mix up a crap-ton (technical term) of epoxy glue, and paste it on the joins between the little wire ties. 

As we had already oh-so-carefully aligned the thing, we devised a crafty system of clamping the canoe in place whilst we glued it. Also, by this time MBO had also built a sturdier shelter for the canoe, having swiftly come to the realisation that there was no way this job would be finished before the winter - you can just see a bit of the tarpaulin used for the shelter in the top left corner. It's good for keeping the rain and wind off, but on a first-world-problem level it's a bit irritating as it turns all of the photos a deep shade of blue, meaning I have to faff around with tweaking them. Le sigh.

Anyway, digression over. We applied epoxy both to the outside and the inside, and left it to dry. For quite a long time, as around this time various other things happened at the weekends and we basically ignored our labour of love like the terrible neglectful parents that we are. 

After having conducted our various social engagements, we then applied ourselves to removing all the wire ties (fiddly) and applying epoxy to the gaps left by the wire. We also sanded the previously applied epoxy as one of us (.... ok, me) had been a bit heavy-handed with it and left the canoe all lumpy and bumpy like a questionable Fergy song from the mid-00's.

And herein lies the only photograph you will ever see of me on this blog, all dressed up and ready to hit the town. Also, I was feeling pretty smug as I was being allowed the privilege of using a power tool all by myself (usually I'm not allowed scissors without supervision)

The last stage before we put the canoe to bed again for a while was to cover the whole thing in a light coat of epoxy. This was a bit off-piste; the gospel that is the manual didn't say this was necessary, but MBO felt it would be a good idea and, being the agreeable sort of person I am, I carried on dosing myself with epoxy fumes. By this time it was getting dark, so we had to finish pretty quickly.

And this is pretty much what the canoe looks like now  - at least I think so, I haven't visited it in a few weeks so for all I know the neighbourhood cats could have used it as a combined scratching post/litter tray. I'll find out this weekend though, as we're finally scheduled to pay it some attention. So watch this space for another riveting instalment.

Chapter 3

11th August


In the previous instalment of this blog, we didn't get very far with the actual boat-building. The next day we spent on it, though, we made a lot of progress. Those flimsy-looking strips of wood? We had the joy of fitting them all together.

In essence, it was a case of finding the matching panels for each section, drilling lots of tiny holes and fitting them together with wire through the holes. It was a lot more time-consuming than that sentence indicates, though.

The first pair of panels were easy to fit together, trickier to then bend them apart into the shape of a boat.

The start of a long and tricky operation

Wire. So much wire. Now that we'd fixed them together in a worryingly wobbly way, it was time to bend the two panels away from each other to start forming the bottom of the boat.

It doesn't look too shabby here, but there are numerous pieces of wood propping it open.

It was at this point that a busybody appeared. Initially interested in our progress, said character actually contributed nothing to the project whatsoever and turned out to be a lousy assistant. Still, any worthwhile project needs downtime to hang out with cats, and that was fulfilled.

Izzy, unhelpful but oh-so-floofy.

It was then a case of attaching more panels, one at a time. It was super-fiddly, and a bit like playing twister in that it involves paying serious attention to the difference between left and right, whilst contorting yourself into uncomfortable positions. Unfortunately I have no action shots, but take my word for it that there was quite a bit of confusion at this point (at least on my part).

However, the panels all did come with helpful labels attached. So I also got the opportunity to learn a load of boat terminology in the process (which I've promptly forgotten - starboard what?). There was a lot of repetition, though, as after each panel was attached we'd have to go round the boat and tighten the wires up just to make sure they laid as flush as possible.

Making some visible progress here. This is where my pride started to kick in, based on the fact it was actually starting to look like a legit canoe. Never mind that at this point it was about as watertight as George Osborne's fiscal policy.

But eventually - all the panels were attached!

Still propped open with clamps, planks of wood and various other paraphernalia - but now recognisably a boat-shaped instrument. I began to wonder at this point where I wasn't a DIY mastermind, after all, and started idly thinking of all the amazing things I could make with my hands, some tools and some bits of wood.

We then strapped the panels together more securely with ratchet straps, and left the boat for another week or so before we could work on it again. Before you get all panicky about the boat's comfort, though, I'd just like to clarify that we did swaddle it in a tarpaulin to keep it safe from the August elements, and tucked it in with a hot milky drink and a lullaby before kissing it goodnight.

(one of those statements might be true)

Chapter 2

2nd August

Finally, the box was opened on 2 August. 

As you can see, there were lots of strips of wood, and they all looked quite flimsy to my admittedly untrained eye. I’ve been in a boat a couple of times in my life, and I'm pretty sure they were more rigid than the contents of that box. Still, I kept my thoughts to myself and trusted in the The Manual.

Ah, The Manual. These guys at Fyne Boat Kits know how to give good instruction. Detailed and specific even by my standards, and they even managed to throw in a joke here and there which was a nice touch. Someone had fun writing that manual, which made the whole process seem a lot less daunting.

Now to start the actual boat building! First we laid out the long panel pieces for the canoe, and glued them together. I found the slotting together of the jigsaw shapes particularly satisfying. I think I'm going to buy myself a jigsaw puzzle for Christmas.

I wasn't allowed to be my usual sloppy self here. All the pieces had to be laid together carefully, and the matching panels laid on top of each other - with extra care being taken to make sure there were plastic bags between the bits that were NOT supposed to be stuck to each other. That epoxy can get everywhere, but nothing went wrong and I considered myself as having achieved my Gluing Stuff to More Stuff badge.

before gluing

After gluing the pieces in a painstaking manner, we then secured them with clamps and pieces of wood, and left the wood to think about the consequences of its actions for at least 24 hours.

Chapter 1: The Beginning

So I’m currently partway through collaborating on the creation of a canoe. The project was started about three months ago, and for various reasons I’ve only just started to blog about it now (see dictionary entries; laziness, procrastination, forgetfulness). So the next few posts will be retrospective updates, and most certainly not in real time unless your idea of real time consists of finding a Delorean and arriving on a beautiful weekend in August in a leafy Sheffield garden. Hopefully soon Blog Time will have caught up with Real Time, and then we can all relax.

Anyway. Those people who know me well in real life were as surprised as I was when I found out I was to be one of two people building the Canoe of Dreams. The Mastermind Behind the Operation (or MBO as I affectionately never ever call him) and I were watching a documentary about home education at my local independent cinema (just an average Sunday in my life, nbd), which inspired said Mastermind to suggest we work on a Project together. Because it would be a nice team-building activity; because it would be fun; but mostly, because the idea of being in a canoe, on a lake, on a summer’s day with a beer in hand sounded Quite Nice.

That’s how the idea started. It could very well have ended up as one of those pipe dreams which sound like good fun and probably would be but life gets in the way and then it’s time to pay for other, more responsible things instead like laundry and dentistry (so I’m told). Fortunately MBO and I happen to be two very go-getting individuals and have absolutely no inclination whatsoever to prioritise afternoon naps, cups of tea, and binge-watching House of Cards. At all.

Full credit goes to MBO at this point for actually doing the research and generally Making Shit Happen. Firstly, he has an actual degree in making stuff and so knows a lot about it. Including making stuff out of wood. He also has a previous track record in canoe-building, this one time at camp. So naturally I left all the brainwork to him.

We ordered a kit from Fyne Boat Kits, the cost of which was apparently ‘reasonable’, but still caused me to live on beans on toast for longer than I’d care to admit. We plumped for the Canadian Canoe kit, which included all the plywood panels needed to make the canoe - as well as all the other paraphernalia, like epoxy resin and activator, copper ties, and fibreglass to coat the boat in. Also, the photos of the Canadian Canoe were most definitely selling a Lifestyle and I’m a sucker for that shit.

The kit arrived, and there it sat in a corner of the house for some time, whilst we did more important things including attending a wedding, partying to the max at a crazy-ass festival, and galloping around on a horse (not all at the same time).